25 Guys that Straight Guys Want to Sleep With

1) Johnny Depp -The only over 40 that everyone wants to sleep with

2) Star athlete on your favorite sports team - That is Nick Swisher for me... he seems like a giver.

3) Conan O'Brien - The only ginger to make the list. Between his height and hair hes perfect

4) Barack Obama - He never yells and is the fucking president

5) Bill Clinton - tons of practice and definitely great in the sack

6) Laura Bush - After throwing Obama and Clinton on the list I thought about Georgie. Laura was much more appealing and equally manly. What can I say I'm a democrat and they are cuter.

7) Eminem - He thinks he is gangsta but you can still throw him around like a little white boi. I am also convinced he is gay based on his rage towards Kim and at life.

8) George Clooney.

9) Neil Patrick Harris - He will serenade you beforehand and almost definitely wear a suit

10) Michael Phelps - He has a star body and knows how to party

11) Dominic Monaghan - Okay maybe not... I just miss Lost

12) John Krasinki - Any man who does not fall in love with Jim from the Office has no heart.

13) Jay-Z - Most powerful black man in America

14) Michael Cera - Who has never wanted to relive their awkward middle school engagements with what they know now?

15) Mike "The Situation" - The Jersey Shore is still cool right? Just checking, I didn't think America got any smarter since the last season

16) Justin Timberlake - I want to have sex with a guy who had sex with Britney Spears... Plus boy band member was on my ex's Bucket List so I would love to beat her to it.

17) Kanye West - He may not say your the best all time but you'll definitely get a pat on the back.

18) Tony Hayward - His oil busted all over America and we should get to bust all over him.

19) Colin Farrell - I am a sucker for an Irish accent

20) Will Smith - Getting Jiggy with it.

21) Tucker Max - I want to get treated so badly I never look at a man that way again

22) Mel Gibson - I am even willing to risk my life and the Jews

23) Tiger Woods - I know he will answer his texts. He did for all his other boo's

24) David Hasseloff - I have always said I wanted to have sex with a lifeguard from Baywatch

25) Steve Jobs - He can help you with pointers by using the kamasutra app on his Ipad

Disclaimer: I do not really want to have sex with any of these men. If you would have sex with most of these men you may want to take another look at your preferences.

Leonardo DiCaprio is the new Michael Cera

Spoiler Alert: This post will include spoilers for Inception and Shutter Island. If you have not seen either of these films I would suggest that you watch them before reading this blog.

I recently went to see a discussion/Q&A with my favorite author Chuck Klosterman and he said something interesting about the process of critiquing and how it has changed. He mentioned that now people who are reviewing are not only responding to the movie but they are responding to the mass response as well. Most bloggers/movie reviewers will write similar things to what everyone else writes and if they don't they will at least acknowledge the differences between their ideas and the masses.

While I was sitting in Inception I was thinking about how although reading about other people's theories on movies is interesting it is first important to get a grasp on what you think leaving a movie in and of itself without other influences swaying your beliefs. I decided that the one thing that I knew about Inception that I had not heard is that Leonardo DiCaprio played almost an identical role to what he had played in Shutter Island.

Before I talk about that I will give a brief general review of the film. It was good. I thought it was very complex and perfectly done but I still do not know how much I enjoyed it. I think a second viewing would be more enjoyable but it was still good. I think that I personally have trouble suspending reality enough to enjoy certain movies (this included) but I believe it is hands down the most beautiful movie I have ever seen. It is even more beautiful because it is not in 3-d (thanks Nolan.)

In Shutter Island Leonardo DiCaprio plays a crazy person. The entire movie is about trying to learn about his past and understand what he is thinking and what is going on with the movie in general. This is similar to the dream-state that DiCaprio inhibits during Inception. The conclusion of the movie opens up the possibility that the entire movie was a dream. This is similar to Shutter Island because in both films nothing is how it originally appeared.

Additionally, in both films Leonardo DiCaprio is dealing with guilt over the death of his wife even through it is not his fault. This is a pretty extreme similarity and in both cases the death of his wife effects his mental well being and his sanity.

Finally both films have the exact same ending. In Shutter Island the last line of dialogue is "Is it better to live as a monster or die a good man?" This implies that Leonardo DiCaprio's character may actually know what is going on. He may be choosing to die so he does not have to live with all of the horrible things that he has done. It leaves the ending undecided and completely up to the interpretation of the viewer. Inception has a similar ending that creates the possibility that I mentioned earlier - the entire movie may have been a dream. The movie ends with Leonardo DiCaprio spinning a unique object. The object will spin forever in a dream-state but in reality it would fall. The film ends with the object teetering between dropping and staying straight. This again gives the viewer the chance to interpret the film in two different ways.

What I am saying is this: Leonardo DiCaprio is an amazing actor but he treated 2010 like he was Michael Cera.

Reaching Base on an Error

If you do not like baseball you will probably not enjoy this post. If you do like baseball you still probably will not care about what I am writing...but I want to hear your thoughts.

During the July 4th Yankee baseball game Brett Gardener hit a fly ball into the outfiled. This went off the glove of a fielder and was ruled an error. Gardener continued to round the bases and scored on his hit. This gave him 2 RBI's (runs batted in) and 1 run scored.

This got me thinking how would reaching base on an error would effect Gardener's Batting average. My original assumption is that it would be treated the same way as a walk is.

For people who are unaware if a player is at bat and is walked, hit by a pitch or sacrifices a runner over the at bat is now considered a plate appearance so it does not count positively or negatively toward their batting average. It is counted as a plate appearance and not even considered an at bat.

Ex. If you have a single, walk, ground out and strike out then you went 1-3 and batted .333.

I found out that my assumption was incorrect and that reaching base on an error counts against your batting average. I was pretty outraged. I do not believe that you should be able to successfully reach base and have it count against your average. What ever happened to good ole just put the ball in play and things happen. I understand that you should not be credited but I do not think it should count at all.

This led to the question of what about on base percentage? I found out that the player's on base percentage would be negatively effected as well. This originally outraged me because I was always under the foolish impression that your on base percentage was the percentage of time you reach base - point blank period.

This was foolish because I did not consider a fielders choice (when you would be clearly out but the fielders choose to get a lead runner out instead.) This made a surprising amount of sense but did not help give me closure on the reaching on an error situation. I since have spoken to a variety of people who like baseball and do not care and have heard a variety of opinions on whether it should count against your batting average/on base percentage, towards your on base percentage or only count as a plate appearance. I stand strong in the plate appearance camp.

What do you think?

People by Television Show

This is going to be my attempt to stereotype people based on their favorite television show. This is obviously not completely accurate and more for fun but I hope you enjoy. This idea is officially stolen without consent from Lauren Leto's blog Readers by Author. If you have any suggestions or TV shows I missed please add them in the comments.

How I Met Your Mother

People who like sitcoms but are smart too

The Office

People who like watching other people be awkward

30 Rock

Hipsters and pop culture peeps

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Drunks

24

People who wish they were in law enforcement

Lost

People with way too much time on their hands.

Flash Forward

People who have more time on their hands then losties.

American Idol

Stay at home mothers and fathers that listen to talk radio in the morning.

Dancing with the Stars

Drunk grandmothers

Daily Show

People who think they know more about the issues then politicians

SportsCenter

Guys that only watch ESPN

True Blood

People who would like Twilight if they were 15 and female.

House

People who enjoy stressful situations

Desperate Housewives

People who miss Sex and the City

The Secret Life of an American Teenager

People who miss 7th Heaven

Family Guy

People who would never watch Fox.

Two and a Half Men

All fathers between 30-55

Mythbusters

People who claim to be life long learners.

Weeds

People who wished their parents dealt weed and parents who dealt weed when they were kids.

Greek

Parents who are worried about their kids going to College.

Saturday Night Live

People who are home by 11:00 on a Saturday night.

Seinfeld

People who are asleep before prime time TV starts.

Biddies

I really like talking to people. I like asking people questions, offering them rides places and making random comments in their general direction hoping to elicit some type of response. I definitely do it less then I did in high school but I like conversing with strangers in my age demographic.

The age thing is not too big of a deal for me but I realize that although I do not see a problem with it; it is not okay to offer a 13 year old a ride home if shes walking. Regardless of my intentions which are usually fairly innocent it is not okay for a 22 year old to talk to a girl less then 20. I would seem like a sketch ball and might as well drive around a van that has Free Candy spray-painted across the side.

This became extremely apparent today when I was at the K104 concert at Dutchess Stadium Kfest. Their were a bunch of sweet performances from B.O.B to Train and their were a lot of teenage/middle school girls. A lot.

They must have been young too because I usually have no idea how old guys or girls are. I just wish that when you looked at someone they had a sign above their head that explained whether or not they enjoy talking to strangers, their age and three fun facts. I realize this is a lot to ask but can I at least get the age? Their should be a way where I can look at someone and get an idea of their age +/- 2 years. This inspired me to write a very Dave Zucker esque blog about how you can tell if a girl is probably under the age of consent. I hope you enjoy:

Ways you can tell if a girl is underage:

• She has a jelly bracelet (and giggles about the color meanings and having to kiss a boy)
• She has braces
• She is shorter then my nipple (via LP)
• She has not gained the freshman 15 and has no empty beer calories
• She loves Joe Jonas/Justin Bieber
• She mentions myspace before facebook
• When taking pictures of herself or her friends she always holds the camera at least 8" above her head
• She is wearing a t-shirt that she made herself and it is not tyedye
• The only thing she does to help the environment is cut up the plastic six pack holders so dolphins do not get caught

Frustration (aka emo)

It is interesting the kinda things that can frustrate someone because a lot of times they do not really matter in a tangible sense. The things that really bother people are not something that you can explain with numbers or rationality because as much as I try to be an objective person and feel rationality rocks it does not tug at a person's emotions.

The kind of things that really frustrate people are when they feel like they are being taken advantage of/disrespected. This is different for every person and a lot of people are way to sensitive (actually, everyone is way to sensitive sometimes) but you can not help it when you think you are being disrespected. It makes people crazy.

I'm just glad that my gender can control them a little better. I hate when I accidentally go ape shit on someone.

Mood: Frustrated :-/

PS...I was going to delete this because I believe it may be the most emo thing that I have ever written. I have left it up for your enjoyment, please- poke fun.

Lakeland High School Football

I would like to say that I wish I had time to blog more but that is a cop out. Everyone has tons of hours that they waste doing nothing. This may not be all the time but everyone has at least a few hours each week to be able to do whatever they really want to do. It is important that you realize my core values come from the back of Lakeland High School football shirts.

Make Plays, Not Excuses

I don't remember Lakeland High School football making that many plays, but at least their head was in the game.

Brilliant

If you have not seen the new Nike commercial involving Tiger Woods, I highly encourage you watch it below, it is definitely interesting no matter what your take on the situation is.
Those who think it is brilliant feel that it humanizes Tiger. They believe that his sad puppy dog face and his father (who has passed) will create a feeling of sorrow for him. Many people also cite this not working to be the reason why the advertisement is not working. People who feel it is crazy and bizarre are sticking to their guns that Tiger Woods is a bad man and nothing anyone says will change their opinion.

On Emergencies

It is common for something to almost go horribly wrong. How many times have you almost been in a car accident? How many times has someone's phone gone straight to voice mail when they were doing something that could be dangerous? How often do people say I almost died?

But when it comes down to it emergencies do not happen that often. A vast majority of the time everything works out and the bark is a lot worse then the bite. This is why I really have trouble figuring out why people are always so worried. Things work out 99% of the time, you can not live life waiting for the 1%, you need to live life expecting everything will be fine.

"you can't always get what you want but if you try sometimes you just might fine you will get what you need"

The Golden Rule

The Golden Rule has many meanings. For the purpose of this blog I am going to be going off of the Christian quote/saying "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

As a child people are taught to treat others like they want to be treated and everything in the world will be great. People are taught to believe that what they want and value should be the same as what everyone else wants and values but it is not that simple. People all want different things and the way that I would like to be treated varies greatly from someone who has different expectations, interpretations, goals and mainly desires in life.

Some people want you to be honest
Some people want you to be nice
Some people don't want to talk to strangers
I love strangers
Some people want to be taken care of
Some people want to be left alone
Some girls want guys to buy them flowers
Some girls care about things that matter
Some men want to protect
Some men just want to love

This creates a problem because many people believe they are acting in the best interest of everyone because people see things through their own perspective. Some people feel special when they receive phone calls so they might call people they care about without thinking about how much they hate the phone. It is both difficult and important to always reflect on what you are doing and not how it effects you or what you believe is correct but how it effects the person you are dealing with (specifically in one on one situations.)

So I throw out 2,000 years of Christianity and propose a new Golden Rule.

"Treat people how they want to be treated, not how you want to be treated"

Magic vs Science

Today when I was at work I noticed a bunch of magnets on the back table. Being that the store was empty and I was pretty bored this became my subject of entertainment for a little while. When I was playing with the magnet I was talking to someone I worked with and he was saying that the first time he...lets say pleasured himself...as a young boy he thought he had invented it. When I heard that I thought about what people would think about magnets if they did not know anything about them.

I would think it was magic. When I held a magnet close to a key and the key moves toward it and was practically floating all I would think is magic. This is why it is so easy to astonish children. It is easy for them to believe because they want to believe they are not looking for a way out. The fact that a magnet works is just as magical as it is scientific...same with any kinda technology or natural phenomenon.

Maybe people should stop finding science instead of magic...and start accepting magic

Silly thing happened on a drive around town...part 2

So last night I got out of work and met up with Jay...we then decided to call someone else. They had been pulled over. So we decided to find them pulled over. We saw a car pulled over, followed it with me flashing my high beams through three turns and at least a couple of miles. We finally got to a driveway and they pulled in. I decided not to follow because at this point we realized this person may not have been our friend.

We were correct.

Throughout the remainder of the evening we passed at least 6 different cops on countless occasions. We eventually realized that something had to be going on. Then we realized that it was break for high schoolers.

So heres the knitty gritty:

More cops are out when high school kids are just trying to live their life and its messed up. Let the kids do what they want to do. Stop trying to teach people that they need to leave to be left alone. All of these students are going to be in a worse spot after the ticket then an adult would be and they are not bothering anyone...so stop with the ageism yo. Lets all have fun.

PS If you are a mall cop, it is important to know when you ask kids why they think it is okay to hang out at the mall you sound like a moron. The mall is a place to hang out, get over it.

PPS We also picked up a stranger and drove them home. He called himself Speedy...nice guy

Tail Lights

Today I came to the conclusion that if I do not die or get seriously injured in a car crash then Jacob has definitely touched me and everything will be okay (lost reference.) But really...I drive a lot, I could be a little safer and I drive sometimes when I am really tired I need to be careful.

Despite this fact my friends and I spend a lot of time driving around town. Tonight I was driving around with my friend Zac and we came around the corner. When we came around the corner I noticed that on this busy and not well lit road their was a car parked in the lane with a teenager getting in. This was not that dangerous or crazy except for the fact that the person was in park (no brake light) and their tail light was out.

I felt like we should let these people know that even though Zac believed they already knew that their was a problem with the car. He assumed it happened when they were changing the stock headlights...because they did change those. In an attempt to follow them I pulled into the Yorktown High School parking lot and eventually hunted them down and pulled next to them.

When they rolled down their window and we informed them about the tail lights the response from this high school girl was, "They are not broken they are tinted." Then she drove off as her friend yelled thanks anyways.

I will never be as cool as that girl for having tinted tail lights. But I am also more likely to survive driving around then I thought...people are a lot less safe then I am.

Really? Tinted tail lights?

Meeting People

I love meeting people. I even kind of miss being an obnoxious 15 year old in the Jefferson Valley mall or the Cortlandt Town Center that talks to everyone. The same people who I see and think, I can not believe I was one of those annoying little kids who think they are hot shit.

The reason I like meeting people so much is their is always so much ahead of the relationship (whether or not any type of relationship ever manifests.) When you meet someone their is a 50-50 chance (okay maybe not 50-50) that they can become your best friend or someone who you never see again. Everything that they say is so intriguing because you are trying to take the little knowledge you have about the person and build an entire back story. People learn about what they have in common and even more-so what makes them different. It especially helps that when I meet someone new I have an open mind. If a friend or acquaintance explained a theory or hobby I have a predetermined perspective on the ideas...this does not happen with new people.

I think the best example I could think of this is a college survival guide I once flipped through in Barnes and Nobles. One of the chapters one entitled "Beware of the Fake Relationship" ... or something like that. The idea is that when people see someone who they are attracted to they begin to create a back story and relationship that may be completely inaccurate. In the course of a philosophy lab you can see a cute girl, decide you have the same taste in music, think about how cool it would be if she came to a party at your house, debate whether or not your bad habits will bother her, plan out how you will defend your values and eventually decide not to even bother talking to her. It is better off to leave this without the unhappy ending.

I guess this blog does not have much of a moral...I just really enjoy meeting people and believe other people should too.

Tonight

My main plan for the evening is to tweet 310 more times...I am pretty excited about it.

and i feel like a tool but I am enjoying myself...

Shane Spencer, the Jets and Expectations

As a Yankee fan nothing was better for me than the summer of 1998. Actually that is not true, although the Yankees had a better record and stronger team in 1998 the greatest year to be a Yankee fan for me was 1996 when they played national league small ball, had a young team (Jeter was a rookie,) broke a long streak of unsuccessful years (unless you count the 1994 season that ended in the strike,) and still had John Wetteland.

I digress...In the summer of 1998 baseball had everything. Cal Ripken Jr. had became the Iron man, three players were all trying to beat the single season home run record and no one was talking about the steroids (Griffey was in it through August) and the Yankees had one of the best records of all time and then we entered September and got a glimpse of Shane Spencer or should I call him Roy Hobbs from the Natural.

Shane Spencer was an older outfielder who had came up from the minor leagues during September when baseball rosters change from 25 men to 40. He only had 67 official at bats in the month of September. In these 67 at bats he belted 10 home runs and three of those were grand slams. At that rate if he had the same number of at bats at Mark McGuire he would have hit 73 home runs. This guy was supposed to be the future of the Yankees. I remember everyone buying Spencer jerseys and talking about how he would be a power hitter that no one could even imagine after a few years in the majors. He went on to hit a home run in the 1998 post season but after that it was all down hill.

He played with the Yankees for a couple of years then moved around a lot until he finally retired after being hurt to often and striking out too much. It was a disappointment as a child because I thought that what was logical happened. It made sense that a right fielder who hits 10 home runs in September of his rookie year is the beginning of a dynasty. I realized that life did not make sense a long time before girls entered my life.

The question is how does this relate to the New York Jets? I guess I just hope that Mark Sanchez, Darelle Revis and the gang have a lot left in them for the next few years. They have a strong young team with a young coach and it is easy to say that they will be great. I just know now that may not be the case and can only hope they are not another case of Shane Spencer, because Shane Spencer's come along more often than Alex Rodriguez's do.

Inspired by Chuck Klosterman's What We Talk about When We Talk About Ralph Sampson from Eating the Dinosaur.

Formspring.me

When I decided to write a blog, I had a few hesitations. These hesitations included but were not limited too the fact that I have nothing to write about, no one who cares what I am going to write about and English was my least favorite subject.

I still decided to blog...and I kinda enjoy it when I actually do it. Today I signed up for something that seems even more pointless which means in the social networking world it should be huge in no time.

So if you want to ask me a question and feel like being awkward about it... formspring.me/deanmcgowan

ya heard?

Things That Annoy Me

1. Facebook groups that are protesting paying for Facebook. Why are you protesting something that is not happening?

2. www.Mydeathspace.com

3. The number of television shows i got into way to late (The Office, Lost and now 30 Rock)

4. The fact that I feel like I can never guess anyone's age if I do not meet them in a specific context.

5. When people tell me what to do.

6. When people tell anyone what to do.

7. That people suddenly care about celebrities after they die (People hated Michael Jackson for years.)

8. When I am out of the loop with what is going on. I should not care about pop culture but i really do.

9. When people stop at the yield sign by the Jefferson Valley Mall that has two lanes going into two lanes.

10. Haters...

Fate of The Office

When watching Conan O'Brien rip apart NBC the last few days I have realized that no matter what he does he will really only damage the Tonight Show (if anything.) When you think about it people do not watch any major network because they support the network, they do it because they like whatever TV show, sporting event or movie they are watching. It comes down to the fact that most people are only activists until it starts to negatively effect their personal life. My example was no matter how much people like/support Conan if you are a fan of The Office you will not stop watching it. This was the only example of NBC programming (other then sports) that my friends and I all said we watched.

Now their is a chance that may be coming to an end.

On Thursday NBC played their first new episode of the Office since the holiday episode on December 10th...if you want to call it a new episode. The majority of the episode involved clips of the past six seasons. The editors did a great job incorporating funny stunts, side characters, love affairs, and multiple montages that were great (with the exception of not having enough Andy.)

This does worry me though because it may mean that the Office writers are out of steam or the show may be on its way out. It is hard to see that show lasting much longer at its current caliber regardless of whether or not this show was aired. The main character (Jim) has already married Pam (main love interest of the show) and they are going to have a baby before the end of the season. It has also already gone six seasons (this one being the worst in my opinion) and have to pay for stars at the caliber of Steve Carrell.

In addition to these reasons that I believe the Office is either on its way out or on its way to being the next "Saved By the Bell: The New Class" their are two more interesting "coincidences." And this many coincidences only happens on the show Lost or when they are not really coincidences.

One- Ricky Gervais is rumored to appear on an episode of The Office before the end of the season. Ricky is the original Michael Scott as well as a writer and director of the original series on the U.K. This would be his first appearance on the show and something they may have wanted to do before the series had ended.

Two- Situations surrounding Steve Carrell. The first of which is how the character Michael Scott handled "The Banker" who was coming to see how everything was at Dunder Mifflin Scranton. He continuously made pleas that everything was okay and ends the episode by saying "I think the future is very bright" but the episode seemed to me like a plea to continue the show. In addition if NBC is thinking about cancelling them it makes sense that Steve Carrell has been confirmed as a special guest on the last episode of the Tonight Show with Conan at 11:35 which should be an event that is both "a lot of fun" and bashes NBC's decision to move Conan's time.

...Or maybe NBC had scheduling conflicts/wanted to save some time or money...who knows?

Top 10 Nintendo Games

This list is clearly pre-Gamecube and in no particular order...

Super Mario 64 (N64)

Super Mario World (SNES)

Super Mario Bros. 3 (NES)

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (NES)

Turtles in Time (SNES)

Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time (N64)

Blitz 2000(N64)

Tony Hawk Pro Skater (N64)

Zelda (SNES)

Mario Kart (N64&SNES)

Honorable mention is the rollerskating fighting game for NES I do not remember the title of...

This is also solely my opinion...Please feel free to debate/be nostalgic/suggest others

On Underdogs

I think the best part about being in high school is being a freshman. My favorite beer pong matches are against people who take it like a sport and play often. The best feeling is doing something you have no idea what to do and succeeding. This is why being a Jets fan is a lot more fun then being a Yankee fan.

I used to say in high school that i envied freshman and believe that being a freshman is the best year of your life. When asked about this I explained that if a freshman loses a fight they will still be looked up to for trying and if they win they are a God. The Jets are in this position right now as the NFL season comes to an end and only four teams remain.

Even if I did not like the Jets all year long, I would still be pulling for them because of their positive and determined attitude despite being considered not only the worst team in the playoffs but many people did not think they deserved to be there. Rex Ryan and his crew have proved that they did deserve the playoff spot and I hope they kick the Colts ass like a Freaks and Geeks star would kick Freddie Prince Jr's ass in high school.

It is great to be a fan of a team like the Jets when you are used to being a Yankee fan.

Things Every Guy Should Know

This is a list inspired by Lauren Leto's blog Things Every Women Should Know How to do. Her blog is definitly worth a read.

1) When you get into an argument with a women, they don't handle it the same way a guy does. When a guy argues it takes three minutes to become a joke, women do not like joking about what they were mad about. Trust me.

2) Making the most noise with your car muffler does not mean you are cool, it simply means you are destroying your car trying to be cool.

3) The shot girls are not going home with you so go to the bar and buy real drinks.

4) Do not be nice to girls you are never going to see again because you think they are hot. This will just make them more stuck up and bitchy. Then you will complain why hot girls are stuck up and bitchy. It is our fault.

5) Johnny Depp, Kevin Smith and Jim Halpert are cooler then any jock. Choose your idol accordingly.

6) If your favorite character on Lost is Jack, your favorite TMNT was Leonardo or your favorite power ranger was the red one you are a tool. Re-evaluate your life or enroll in tool academy (if you considered enrolling you have lost all hope.)

7) Only defend the girl you are dating if she is at least half right. If she cheats on your she did a lot more harm to you then the random guy did. Don't just hit him to feel cool (actually don't hit anyone to feel cool, its not.)

8) If you are completely nice all the time you will get burned. Don't say I didn't warn you.

9) Always look before you say a girl looks good. And say something specific so they believe they are not just being yessed to death.

10) As a guy you do not have to be clean...that does not mean be disgusting.

11) Do not have two earrings the size of a ring. Its weird.

Atlantic City 1/?

I could conceivably write at least five blogs about my trip to Atlantic City. This probably will not happen due to my apathy, my assumption of your apathy and my laziness...but I want to keep it open in case boredom beats all three of those things. But seriously...Atlantic city? What the hell?

First of all the hotels are gorgeous and the electric bill in probably insanely high because there are lights everywhere...everywhere. Then they give people free rooms and other free stuff. This is because most people lose money when they go there. Most people who go don't even know what they should do (probability-wise) to win. Every game in the casino people have less then a fifty percent chance of winning. On top of that people go to slots and spend hundreds and thousands of dollars on a game that drives a majority of the casino profits. This is not only all true but people get excited to go to a place where most people (not regulars) expect to lose a minimum of a few hundred dollars.

None of what I have written so far includes what I thought was interesting to blog about, my trip was the silly part. Who loses all their money in Atlantic City on Boardwalk-Carney games...This Guy!

So have you ever played those ball and bucket games. The idea of the game is all you need to do is make consecutive shots into a bucket at a specific angle. This is possible but highly unlikely. The operator will try and convince you it is easy and give you a lot of free shots so that you believe you can do it (the free shots allow you to make 1/10 but still see it is possible.)

The SCAM...

The person who was running this specific carnival game saw us coming. He told us it was his last day open and if we won a prize (PS3) he really wanted it so would buy it back from us for $300. He then told us he gave us more shots than he usually does and allowed us to play on teams. He continued to not heckle us but explain how easy it is and constantly remind us how close we were. Collectively we left $110 poorer.

We also had Sucker written on our foreheads from partying the night before.

In other news... Their is a cat man in Atlantic City who feeds cats (we saw at least 8) under the boardwalk. He may be homeless because he spends rent money on cat food

Yellow Alert

I was driving through the center of Yorktown , NY and I remembered that after 9/11 the firehouse had a scrolling alert with the weather regarding what our terror threat level was. Whenever I noticed this I always remember thinking if I was in another person's town, especially in the mid-west, I would think this idea is crazy and the people their were brainwashed. How am i supposed to change my daily life because of some terror alert posted at my firehouse.

So many thoughts and don't even know where to start.

More on this later

On Gambling

I am pretty sure winning money is not a difficult thing to do. I think about this because in about 1-2 hours I will be leaving for Atlantic City with just enough money to play a couple of rounds of roulette or hands of blackjack and I can only hope for the best but this would not be true if I had a lot of money.

The last time I was in Atlantic City before checking out I talked to a women in her mid to late 30s who said she had been going to the casino every week for about three months. She explained that a lot of the same people return and one specific person she played Blackjack with had a unique strategy and she had never seen him walk away from a table down from what he started with.

The player would sit down with no less then 5,000 dollars in chips and place a $25 - $50 bet. If he lost he would instantly double the bet. If he lost he would double it again etc, etc. This means that unless he lost enough time in a row to lose 5,000 dollars when he won a hand he would brake even. He could do this until he won a few hands in a row and then he could set a new limit that he wanted to continue to reach and every time he failed he could use the same strategy.

This really seems almost flawless. The key is if he lost that 5,000 dollars he has the ability to continue to play or lose this one day because he clearly had made a substantial amount of money and was well off. I am not as skilled as to try this with a skill game but I believe it would work if I tried it on Roulette. I have about $100 to spend this time around so I will not be able to try it, but damn if you have money its a lot easier to make money.

The rich get richer and the poor get poorer.

The video below is Ben Folds explaining how when he needed money to get started he got nothing but now that hes rich he gets free coffee...this is a crazy world

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LrEpqyrHiY8

PS... Holler Vancouver! get at me if you read this...

Maps?

So I got my second GPS for Christmas (the first one mysteriously disappeared, their may be a correlation between me not locking my car and the GPS missing.) For the record I still refuse to lock my car.

I digress...so I used my GPS like three or four times and I thought two things... 1)This device will make everyone dumber because they will not learn directions and depend on it. 2) The next generation of people will not be able to comprehend life before the GPS. This is like we have trouble remembering how people lived without the internet and cell phones.

Then I thought about how people got directions before the GPS...this is simple mapquest.com (or more recently the improved maps.google.com.)

But what about before mapquest?

I lived at least 7-8 years of my life with no computer and no internet and I can not imagine how directions were done without mapquest. I understand going around town and semi locally but it amazes me that people used maps and memorized directions for all trips. I can even vaguely remember my aunt giving us an hour of directions over the phone.

The world was a lot different, its interesting to see where its going.

I dont think this post makes any sense.