25 Guys that Straight Guys Want to Sleep With

1) Johnny Depp -The only over 40 that everyone wants to sleep with

2) Star athlete on your favorite sports team - That is Nick Swisher for me... he seems like a giver.

3) Conan O'Brien - The only ginger to make the list. Between his height and hair hes perfect

4) Barack Obama - He never yells and is the fucking president

5) Bill Clinton - tons of practice and definitely great in the sack

6) Laura Bush - After throwing Obama and Clinton on the list I thought about Georgie. Laura was much more appealing and equally manly. What can I say I'm a democrat and they are cuter.

7) Eminem - He thinks he is gangsta but you can still throw him around like a little white boi. I am also convinced he is gay based on his rage towards Kim and at life.

8) George Clooney.

9) Neil Patrick Harris - He will serenade you beforehand and almost definitely wear a suit

10) Michael Phelps - He has a star body and knows how to party

11) Dominic Monaghan - Okay maybe not... I just miss Lost

12) John Krasinki - Any man who does not fall in love with Jim from the Office has no heart.

13) Jay-Z - Most powerful black man in America

14) Michael Cera - Who has never wanted to relive their awkward middle school engagements with what they know now?

15) Mike "The Situation" - The Jersey Shore is still cool right? Just checking, I didn't think America got any smarter since the last season

16) Justin Timberlake - I want to have sex with a guy who had sex with Britney Spears... Plus boy band member was on my ex's Bucket List so I would love to beat her to it.

17) Kanye West - He may not say your the best all time but you'll definitely get a pat on the back.

18) Tony Hayward - His oil busted all over America and we should get to bust all over him.

19) Colin Farrell - I am a sucker for an Irish accent

20) Will Smith - Getting Jiggy with it.

21) Tucker Max - I want to get treated so badly I never look at a man that way again

22) Mel Gibson - I am even willing to risk my life and the Jews

23) Tiger Woods - I know he will answer his texts. He did for all his other boo's

24) David Hasseloff - I have always said I wanted to have sex with a lifeguard from Baywatch

25) Steve Jobs - He can help you with pointers by using the kamasutra app on his Ipad

Disclaimer: I do not really want to have sex with any of these men. If you would have sex with most of these men you may want to take another look at your preferences.

Leonardo DiCaprio is the new Michael Cera

Spoiler Alert: This post will include spoilers for Inception and Shutter Island. If you have not seen either of these films I would suggest that you watch them before reading this blog.

I recently went to see a discussion/Q&A with my favorite author Chuck Klosterman and he said something interesting about the process of critiquing and how it has changed. He mentioned that now people who are reviewing are not only responding to the movie but they are responding to the mass response as well. Most bloggers/movie reviewers will write similar things to what everyone else writes and if they don't they will at least acknowledge the differences between their ideas and the masses.

While I was sitting in Inception I was thinking about how although reading about other people's theories on movies is interesting it is first important to get a grasp on what you think leaving a movie in and of itself without other influences swaying your beliefs. I decided that the one thing that I knew about Inception that I had not heard is that Leonardo DiCaprio played almost an identical role to what he had played in Shutter Island.

Before I talk about that I will give a brief general review of the film. It was good. I thought it was very complex and perfectly done but I still do not know how much I enjoyed it. I think a second viewing would be more enjoyable but it was still good. I think that I personally have trouble suspending reality enough to enjoy certain movies (this included) but I believe it is hands down the most beautiful movie I have ever seen. It is even more beautiful because it is not in 3-d (thanks Nolan.)

In Shutter Island Leonardo DiCaprio plays a crazy person. The entire movie is about trying to learn about his past and understand what he is thinking and what is going on with the movie in general. This is similar to the dream-state that DiCaprio inhibits during Inception. The conclusion of the movie opens up the possibility that the entire movie was a dream. This is similar to Shutter Island because in both films nothing is how it originally appeared.

Additionally, in both films Leonardo DiCaprio is dealing with guilt over the death of his wife even through it is not his fault. This is a pretty extreme similarity and in both cases the death of his wife effects his mental well being and his sanity.

Finally both films have the exact same ending. In Shutter Island the last line of dialogue is "Is it better to live as a monster or die a good man?" This implies that Leonardo DiCaprio's character may actually know what is going on. He may be choosing to die so he does not have to live with all of the horrible things that he has done. It leaves the ending undecided and completely up to the interpretation of the viewer. Inception has a similar ending that creates the possibility that I mentioned earlier - the entire movie may have been a dream. The movie ends with Leonardo DiCaprio spinning a unique object. The object will spin forever in a dream-state but in reality it would fall. The film ends with the object teetering between dropping and staying straight. This again gives the viewer the chance to interpret the film in two different ways.

What I am saying is this: Leonardo DiCaprio is an amazing actor but he treated 2010 like he was Michael Cera.

Reaching Base on an Error

If you do not like baseball you will probably not enjoy this post. If you do like baseball you still probably will not care about what I am writing...but I want to hear your thoughts.

During the July 4th Yankee baseball game Brett Gardener hit a fly ball into the outfiled. This went off the glove of a fielder and was ruled an error. Gardener continued to round the bases and scored on his hit. This gave him 2 RBI's (runs batted in) and 1 run scored.

This got me thinking how would reaching base on an error would effect Gardener's Batting average. My original assumption is that it would be treated the same way as a walk is.

For people who are unaware if a player is at bat and is walked, hit by a pitch or sacrifices a runner over the at bat is now considered a plate appearance so it does not count positively or negatively toward their batting average. It is counted as a plate appearance and not even considered an at bat.

Ex. If you have a single, walk, ground out and strike out then you went 1-3 and batted .333.

I found out that my assumption was incorrect and that reaching base on an error counts against your batting average. I was pretty outraged. I do not believe that you should be able to successfully reach base and have it count against your average. What ever happened to good ole just put the ball in play and things happen. I understand that you should not be credited but I do not think it should count at all.

This led to the question of what about on base percentage? I found out that the player's on base percentage would be negatively effected as well. This originally outraged me because I was always under the foolish impression that your on base percentage was the percentage of time you reach base - point blank period.

This was foolish because I did not consider a fielders choice (when you would be clearly out but the fielders choose to get a lead runner out instead.) This made a surprising amount of sense but did not help give me closure on the reaching on an error situation. I since have spoken to a variety of people who like baseball and do not care and have heard a variety of opinions on whether it should count against your batting average/on base percentage, towards your on base percentage or only count as a plate appearance. I stand strong in the plate appearance camp.

What do you think?

People by Television Show

This is going to be my attempt to stereotype people based on their favorite television show. This is obviously not completely accurate and more for fun but I hope you enjoy. This idea is officially stolen without consent from Lauren Leto's blog Readers by Author. If you have any suggestions or TV shows I missed please add them in the comments.

How I Met Your Mother

People who like sitcoms but are smart too

The Office

People who like watching other people be awkward

30 Rock

Hipsters and pop culture peeps

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Drunks

24

People who wish they were in law enforcement

Lost

People with way too much time on their hands.

Flash Forward

People who have more time on their hands then losties.

American Idol

Stay at home mothers and fathers that listen to talk radio in the morning.

Dancing with the Stars

Drunk grandmothers

Daily Show

People who think they know more about the issues then politicians

SportsCenter

Guys that only watch ESPN

True Blood

People who would like Twilight if they were 15 and female.

House

People who enjoy stressful situations

Desperate Housewives

People who miss Sex and the City

The Secret Life of an American Teenager

People who miss 7th Heaven

Family Guy

People who would never watch Fox.

Two and a Half Men

All fathers between 30-55

Mythbusters

People who claim to be life long learners.

Weeds

People who wished their parents dealt weed and parents who dealt weed when they were kids.

Greek

Parents who are worried about their kids going to College.

Saturday Night Live

People who are home by 11:00 on a Saturday night.

Seinfeld

People who are asleep before prime time TV starts.

Biddies

I really like talking to people. I like asking people questions, offering them rides places and making random comments in their general direction hoping to elicit some type of response. I definitely do it less then I did in high school but I like conversing with strangers in my age demographic.

The age thing is not too big of a deal for me but I realize that although I do not see a problem with it; it is not okay to offer a 13 year old a ride home if shes walking. Regardless of my intentions which are usually fairly innocent it is not okay for a 22 year old to talk to a girl less then 20. I would seem like a sketch ball and might as well drive around a van that has Free Candy spray-painted across the side.

This became extremely apparent today when I was at the K104 concert at Dutchess Stadium Kfest. Their were a bunch of sweet performances from B.O.B to Train and their were a lot of teenage/middle school girls. A lot.

They must have been young too because I usually have no idea how old guys or girls are. I just wish that when you looked at someone they had a sign above their head that explained whether or not they enjoy talking to strangers, their age and three fun facts. I realize this is a lot to ask but can I at least get the age? Their should be a way where I can look at someone and get an idea of their age +/- 2 years. This inspired me to write a very Dave Zucker esque blog about how you can tell if a girl is probably under the age of consent. I hope you enjoy:

Ways you can tell if a girl is underage:

• She has a jelly bracelet (and giggles about the color meanings and having to kiss a boy)
• She has braces
• She is shorter then my nipple (via LP)
• She has not gained the freshman 15 and has no empty beer calories
• She loves Joe Jonas/Justin Bieber
• She mentions myspace before facebook
• When taking pictures of herself or her friends she always holds the camera at least 8" above her head
• She is wearing a t-shirt that she made herself and it is not tyedye
• The only thing she does to help the environment is cut up the plastic six pack holders so dolphins do not get caught

Frustration (aka emo)

It is interesting the kinda things that can frustrate someone because a lot of times they do not really matter in a tangible sense. The things that really bother people are not something that you can explain with numbers or rationality because as much as I try to be an objective person and feel rationality rocks it does not tug at a person's emotions.

The kind of things that really frustrate people are when they feel like they are being taken advantage of/disrespected. This is different for every person and a lot of people are way to sensitive (actually, everyone is way to sensitive sometimes) but you can not help it when you think you are being disrespected. It makes people crazy.

I'm just glad that my gender can control them a little better. I hate when I accidentally go ape shit on someone.

Mood: Frustrated :-/

PS...I was going to delete this because I believe it may be the most emo thing that I have ever written. I have left it up for your enjoyment, please- poke fun.

Lakeland High School Football

I would like to say that I wish I had time to blog more but that is a cop out. Everyone has tons of hours that they waste doing nothing. This may not be all the time but everyone has at least a few hours each week to be able to do whatever they really want to do. It is important that you realize my core values come from the back of Lakeland High School football shirts.

Make Plays, Not Excuses

I don't remember Lakeland High School football making that many plays, but at least their head was in the game.